Everything Wrong With Kissing In America

kissinginamerica

Hello world! This is simply a book review, albeit a negative one. I’m not really planning on really trashing the book, just listing the things I didn’t like. Also, in a regular review format, I really didn’t have much to say, so here’s my (hopefully) funny take on this book. There will be spoilers, so don’t say I didn’t, say I didn’t warn ya…

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If you liked it, I’m sorry πŸ˜›

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  1. The Cover. It looks so delicious and beautiful (and even better in person), that you want to read it. Can I sue for false advertising?

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    IT’S SO PRETTY!

  2. Β The summary.

    In the two years since her father died, sixteen-year-old Eva has found comfort in reading romance novelsβ€”118 of them, to be exactβ€”to dull the pain of her loss that’s still so present. Her romantic fantasies become a reality when she meets Will, who seems to truly understand Eva’s grief. Unfortunately, after Eva falls head-over-heels for him, he picks up and moves to California without any warning. Not wanting to lose the only person who has been able to pull her out of sadnessβ€”and, perhaps, her shot at real loveβ€”Eva and her best friend, Annie, concoct a plan to travel to the west coast to see Will again. As they road trip across America, Eva and Annie confront the complex truth about love.

    Um. What does a father dying have to do with reading romance novels? Why do I get insta-love vibes? And most of all, 118 books in 2 years? Weak.

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    I’m joking πŸ˜›Β  But you’d think, if she was that obsessed, she would have read even more, ya know?

  3. The plan to go on a road trip.“Hey, lets go try out for a reality TV show about the smartest teens in America!”
  4. The magical road trip. Because driving all the way across a country solves everything.
  5. The quotes from the romance novels the main character likes.

    Sir Richard’s chest sparkled with man-dew as he whispered, “Lilth, it may hurt you when I burst thy womanhood.”
    “Hurt me,”Lilth breathed. Her rosy domes undulated like the sea as he joined her in a love that vanquished every sorrow known on Earth.”

    Cringe. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with reading those, but I really don’t want to meta read what a reader (in a book) is reading. Also, why romance novels?

  6. Her father died in a plane crash. Again,WHY WOULD YOU OBSESS ABOUT ROMANCE NOVELS?! Wouldn’t it make sense if she became obsessed with mechanics? Aviation? STEM? I mean, it would even make a little more sense if it was one of those sweet ones, not erotica. Oh, my father died, let me read romance novels with a lot of sex! (?)
  7. Her consistent lies about how her father died. She says she doesn’t want their pity or interest andΒ  hated their curiosity. Well, if you don’t want their interest, just don’t tell them your father died.
  8. Calling her grief counselor Wonderboob. For a ‘feminist’, I’m pretty sure that’s a no-no.
  9. Her instant obsession with Will.
  10. Will writes actual letters to her from California.

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    It’s so creative, I wonder why no ones ever thought of that before.

  11. Her need to go see Will after he moved to California. C’mon, woman, it’s just a crush!
  12. This line: “Riding a bus makes you feel rich.” Whut?
  13. He burned her a CD mixtape. Which she gushes over to no end.

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    NOT. You know what else it’s not? ORIGINAL.

  14. Her aunt and their sex talk. WTF is all I’m saying.
  15. When she writes ‘I love you’ to Will. Girl…
  16. She meets real cowboys and instantly thinks of all the romance novels she’s read.
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    Ben Whishaw’s giving you side-eye, woman.

  17. Β The weird Holocaust references. Yes gal, your granny survived, but you can’t even compare surviving a genocide to losing a dad. Sure, dead dads are sad, but genocide>one death, so no comparisons, ok?
  18. Β She’s pretty useless. She’s contrary for no reason. She hates listening to her mom. I dislike her. For god’s sake, she tries out for a quiz show when she’s COMPLETELY USELESS at answering. She literally rides on her friends coattails.
  19. She ‘discovers’ herself by the end. YAWN. I mean, if she had listened to her mom, she would have realized there are somethings more important than boys.
  20. She dumps her best friend in the finals of the quiz show,Β  (because she had something more important to do). And all the while, her bestie is wrecking the competition.
  21. The assumption that every girl will relate to the problems in this book.
  22. The main character does not realize how amazing her mom is.
  23. The come-to-Jesus moment at the end, when she realizes that her mother is pretty god damn awesome.

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    Finally.

  24. Her catering to the stereotype that the only thing girls think about are boys.
  25. The fact that I got this book as a gift. Probably not a real grievance, but I had to pretend I liked it when I was quizzed on it later.

SIN COUNT: 25


RATING: 1 out of 5 stars


SENTENCE:

This book is hereby sentenced to a continental road trip (from Canada through to Mexico), with 118 romance novels as the only reading material. Wait. 118 romance novels and this book.

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Muahahaha!

While I didn’t like this book, I can (sort of?) see why others enjoyed this πŸ˜› Thanks for reading this review!

~Sarah ❀

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19 thoughts on “Everything Wrong With Kissing In America

  1. The Galaxial Word says:

    This whole book sounds so clichΓ©d and generic. I mean, I’ve seen road trips in books before, but I thought that they had all died. Apparently I was wrong. I did put a reservation on this at my local library, but I’ve gone and cancelled it now. This book sounds like everything and anything that I hate in a book. Thanks for the hilarious review XD

    Liked by 2 people

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