It was first published in her journal. And it’s about cute eggs and potato stickers – that have unfortunately fallen under the scrutiny of her pencil.
You may be wondering, “What is this going to be about?” This is an excerpt from my journal, an entry that I had written last January before book blogging had taken over my life. And it’s – strangely interesting. (Sarah says that it’s because I needed an outlet. So I’ve taken that I am now a step up because instead of ranting to myself, I am ranting to actual people. Poor, innocent people who have to withstand these… somewhat tortures.) So, I have decided to share it with you (though I’m unsure whether this is the proper decision or not) by typing it up for the internet to see.
May I present to you, my unfiltered brain barf about cute stickers. Have fun!
CAUTION: If you dislike spontaneously strange and casual rambles with an excessive use of caps lock, exclamation points and weird thoughts, I would advise you to stay away from this post. It’s not for the faint of heart. This is, however, for entertainment purposes. 😉
It’s NOT Just a Sticker
What I don’t get are these stickers. If there’s a face on those shells of the uncracked eggs AND there’s also a face on the yolk of the cracked egg, WHY are there 2 faces?! It’s like, “Oh hey, there’s another face inside of me.” #EggFaceception. If that’s not disturbing enough, can we please note the fact that the cracked egg is SMILING with red cheeks?!! HOW EVEN?! So you’re probably telling me either, “Oh, well they’re happy ’cause they’re going to egg heaven!!!” Or “DUDE they’re just STICKERS!!!” But can you tell me that THIS:
… is JUST a sticker??
It’s a POTATO with bubble gum and fish lips and a sprout on its head. This ain’t no Mr. Potato Head, kay? On first thought, you’re like, “Aww this is cute.” And thennn you just start wondering how and where on Earth did this potato get its hands on gum?! I guess we won’t know because we’ll never catch it red-handed – or anything handed at all. So now you’re thinking, “Well, maybe someone with hands gave it to the potato.” This brings us to our next question: HOW IS THE POTATO CHEWING IT?!!! Of course, this is assuming that the potato is alive. If it’s just an inanimate object chewing an inanimate object, this complete scene is worse than I thought.
Let’s assume it has teeth. How does it grow teeth? With its growing powers as a potato to continue growing its sprout. How does it grow its sprout without roots? Good question. We can infer from the handless potato chewing gum that the gum was probably gifted by a handed creature which probably provides nutrients to the potato without roots so that it can grow and get all that it needs. So now that we know how it grows teeth, we also can believe that it’s also how it grows a tongue to blow a bubble. Like I said, it isn’t Mr. Potato Head, the famed toy actor of all the Toy Stories and the one kids played with in the past. So no. This isn’t JUST a sticker.
It’s a cute mechanism simple enough to fool the eye but not the brain… it provides false ideas to young children on how the world works, on things like science and art. Potatoes can’t chew (or that’d be #creepy) and no you just don’t draw fish lips on a potato. Think about all the vegetarians! And you’re like, “But it’s art!” Exactly. Art that manipulates the human mind. In the end after all this analysis, we know that it’s NEVER just a sticker… just think about it.
So I hope you’ll remember all these things the next time you fry an egg; it’s really important. #LifeLessons. If you start thinking about it, you’re definitely on your way to becoming a better human that productively contributes to society.
Yes, this was all really in my journal. Are you terrified or “weirded” out now? (S:YES) If not, you should be.(S: I ASSURE YOU, I AM) I assure you that I am not insane and I don’t have some sort of hyperactive streak – this is just me being particularly strange! If it helps, just imagine that this is me being in character. A strange, out of this world character.
S: I mean, after reading this, I wasn’t surprised. It’s like fetus Faith (although, she tells me that she wrote this not too long ago.) I mean, a rant about stickers? Makes sense: we just had a war about pancakes and waffles. Potato and egg stickers? Faith will make it a thing. I think she was stoned while writing this if it wasn’t for her grammar… and that fact that neither of us have ever taken drugs 😄
I hope you were as partially amused as I was (though you may feel slightly worried) by this word vomit of a journal musing that I had found! On this note, cheers and have a strangely wonderful week! 😉